Ask Dak
Dear
Nazdak,
Is it true that black chicks have huge
vaginas? Are they awesome? Do they feel a lot better? –Bill
Dear
Bill,
The difference in size between black
girl’s vaginas and white girl’s vaginas is largely a myth, though I don’t know
for sure, I haven’t seen all the vaginas in the world… yet.
Dear Nazdak,
My
husband’s boss is coming over for dinner this Saturday, we really want to
impress him what should I do? He was looked over for a promotion last year. We
don’t want that to happen again. Lord knows we could use the extra money. He
brings home a decent salary now, but the thing is, we have a baby on the way
and we’d really like to move to a larger house. Any suggestions? –Amy
Dear Amy,
Shepard’s
pie.
Dear
Nazdak,
I saw a guy who looked just like you
the other day at subway, near
Dear
Frank,
No you didn’t.
Dear Nazdak,
I’m
embarrassed to say it, but I’m a 20 year old virgin. I guess I just never found
the right guy. Anyway, I really love my new boyfriend and we’re going away for
the weekend. I’m sure he’s expecting sex. Is it going to hurt? –Stacy.
Dear Stacy,
No
need to worry, it won’t hurt him at all.
Dear
Nazdak,
My boyfriend asked me how many guys
I’ve been with, but I wouldn’t tell him. He got mad so I lied and told him only
10. I thought it wasn’t very many, but he seemed to take it hard. How many is
too many? –Gina
Dear
Gina,
It depends on a lot of things, if you
went to college and lived in a dorm, then 10 is a pretty conservative number.
But if you were raised on a farm in a small town, and there were only like 100
people who lived there, you would have slept with a number equivalent to 10
percent of that town’s population. It’s really all relative. If you’re still
not sure you can use this rhyme my mom taught me to help you out. If you count
less than five, you’re a little behind, between 10 and 20 , you’re doing just
fine. If you count more than 30, then don’t tell your friends, if you count up
to fifty, start counting again!
Dear Nazdak,
What’s
your favorite food? – Becky
Dear Becky,
PIZZA.
I’m like a pizzaholic!
Dear
Nazdak,
Do you have anything to do with
NASDAQ? –Reggie
Dear
Reggie,
I wish!
Dear Nazdak,
What
kind of music do you like the most? –Becky
Dear Becky,
I
like pretty much everything... Everything but country.
Dear
Nazdak,
I like, totally dyked out with my best
friend last night, she left before I woke up. Should I call her to talk about
it? She’s really pretty, she’s not a slut, I wouldn’t say that, but she sleeps with
a lot of people, so I don’t think it will be a big deal to her, but I’m nervous
about talking to her. –Liz
Dear
Liz,
Emmm, hot, sluty, best friend, sounds
tricky. Maybe you should let me call her instead. What’s her phone number?
Dear Nazdak,
I’m
a 21 year old student. My boyfriend and I are both guys, is there something
wrong with me? –Peter
Dear Peter,
Heavens
no! Homosexuality is now a legitimate sexual preference; try a costume to spice
things up.
Dear
Nazdak,
Do you have a girlfriend? I’m sure you
do but I just thought I’d ask. – Becky
Dear
Becky,
Though I have had thousands of
girlfriends in the past, some real class acts, I don’t have a girlfriend right
now so much as a waiting room in my cyber-mansion where hundreds of hot chicks
stand around waiting to have sex with me, some of them naked, some of them in
little outfits, some in sexy underwear. One time, I had to make love with a
bunch of them all at once to empty the room out just so more girls could get
in!
Dear Nazdak,
Just,
like .. Why?.. you know? –Phil.
Dear Phil,
I
know how you feel, dude. I don’t know. Maybe it was just meant to be this way.
Dear
Nazdak,
I got like a small dick. I’m real cool
though and the chicks seem to like me but they never stick around after I bang
‘em. –Tiny Tim.
Dear
Tim,
I recommend pulling attention away
from the problem. Don’t wear neckties, don’t drive a motorcycle, simple things
like that. Vertical stripes make you seem taller while horizontals appear to fatten
you up. Take a good look and decide which dimension is the more embarrassing of
the two.
Dear Nazdak,
Would
you ever consider dating an Indian girl? – Becky
Dear Becky,
Um,
do you mean Indian like
Dear
Nazdak,
Is it true that you can get arrested
for having boobies in the first degree? If so what exactly are the conditions?
– Double D. Diana
Dear
Diana,
Annie Crenshaw was in fact arrested
for boobies in the first degree, she was tried and sentenced. That was a long
time ago though and I am not clear on that particular law today. Many states
still have laws that date back to the beginning of this country though, like in
some southern states oral sex is still illegal, and in other states you can’t stink-finger a girl on the 4th of
July. There’s a lot of crazy laws like that.
Dear Nazdak,
I
have been giving it a lot of thought, but I can’t figure it out. Why do they
call it a vagina? John
Dear John,
I’m
not sure, but I would imagine that the term Vagina,
comes from ancient
Dear
Nazdak,
This whole web site is stupid. I am a
web designer myself and I must say that the work here is sophomoric at best.
Then I thought that you were just trying to keep it simple, but still it’s
really quite poor. –Jason
Dear
Jason,
I am not in charge of the web site.
Eric, our web designer is. If you’re such a great web designer maybe you should
talk to him. People who live in glass houses, shouldn’t fucking talk about me.
Dear Nazdak,
I
have some questions about anal sex. Why is it such an issue with guys? Why do
they always want to do it? I’ve tried it a few times and I have to say that it
doesn’t really seem like a big deal. I kind of like it, should I let my
boyfriend try it or will I send the wrong message? -Hanna
Dear Hanna,
If
you break up with this guy and he starts talking, then your reputation might be
at stake. If people here about it, you might be labeled as easy, or even that
you like it in the ass. But on the other hand, if you don’t mind getting
pigeon-holed, I say go for it.
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