HOT STUFF
Nazdak Gives a Little Something Back to
the Community
(This is an excerpt from a forum that
was originally held at the Community College S,
NAZDAK: Hello everyone, as you probably know, my
name is Nazarene Daiquiri, but you all can call me by my nickname, Nazdak.
Today I am going to be talking about cyber sex. The ins, the outs and the
in-betweens. Okay let’s start with a show of hands, how many of you are
cyber-sexually active…
STUDENT BODY: (giggles)
NAZDAK: Come, on don’t be shy, it’s
nothing to be ashamed of.
(Derek raises his hand “hell yeah” he says, then Eric and then Dan then a few
other Frat-Types, as a group, trying to express humor,
entirely conforming to each other’s predetermined behavior.)
NAZDAK: Okay, okay, anybody else?
(Deborah, a sluty
looking girl in the front row, grabs her vagina, squeezes, clenches her jaw and
releases, and nods vigorously.)
NAZDAK: Good, good, but I know there’s
more of you than that!
STUDENT BODY: (giggles)
(Mikey steals a quick glance at Fiona. Fiona doesn’t notice
but remembers. Mikey pretends to look out the
window.)
DAN: (fart)
STUDENT BODY: (giggles)
ERIC: (bark)
STUDENT BODY: (giggles)
DAN: (fart)
STUDENT BODY: (chuckle)
NAZDAK: Okay, settle down, we’re getting there.
This is important stuff, you guys, really. I’d like to start with the
materials. (draws on the black board.)
FIG 1.1
DEBORAH: (fart, fart)
STUDENT BODY: (silence)
NAZDAK: The penis, a computer, the internet,
another computer, the vagina, and the vagina.
ERIC: Why are there two vaginas?
NAZDAK: What’s that?
ERIC: Why did you draw two vaginas?
NAZDAK: Who has two vaginas?
ERIC: What?
NAZDAK: What do you mean?
ERIC: What do you mean, ‘what do
you mean’ Why did you draw two vaginas?
NAZDAK: Where?
ERIC: Why did you draw two vaginas
on the black board?
NAZDAK: Oh, there weren’t enough to go
around, some one’s gonna have to double up on one.
(Deborah raises her hand, then smells it.)
ERIC: Oh.
NAZDAK: Or a couple of you guys could just
cyber-sword fight, rub your dongs together.
(the Frat-Types
high-five…………..then rub their dongs together.)
NAZDAK: To further increase enjoyment
you might want to add some toys or another finger. Now the basic roles are the
active participator, and the actor. The two people can both take part in the
dialogue and acting or just one person can act while the other watches.
STUDENT BODY: uhhuh.
(Derek checks out one of the girl student’s bodies)
NAZDAK: Now let’s talk clean up, it’s a good
idea t cover your computer components with plastic wrap to protect against
ejaculation, ladies, this means you too!
LADIES: (giggle)
NAZDAK: I’m serious; I’ve seen it happen
before.
LADIES: (giggle,
queff, squirt, squirt, giggle)
NAZDAK: Now, as you know, I advise never
using a community computer, say at the library or computer lab, or in your
dorms. There is just such a risk of embarrassment and fizzle-wizzle. But if it
is an emergency, and you just have to bust a nut, make sure to clean up especially
well… Okay, are there any questions?
SARAH: Do you have any advice about
how to avoid creepy people?
NAZDAK: Yeah, I would say that it’s
probably best just to avoid them.
SARAH: Got it. (taking notes)
AMANDA: What happens
the next day, what do you do then, should you call the other person, email
them, send them pics, or a hyperlink to your fucksite?
NAZDAK: That’s a good question, ethics,
what is the appropriate protocol for the day after a postcouitus.com. It’s surprisingly
simple, just follow the rules you normally would, if you normally call, then
call, if you normally pretend it never happened, then pretend it never
happened.
PETER: Can I put my penis in one of
the drives.
NAZDAK: no… okay, I think that’s a good
place to stop. You guys were great. But I think that I have already gone over
my time limit. Thanks you’ve been a great audience.
STUDENT BODY: (clap clap
clap, clap clap clap, fart giggle clap, fart fart giggle, fat quaff squirt
squirt. giggle)