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NEWS

 

June 22nd, 2003

 

Nazdak Sues Pornographer.

 

An internet pornography site has displayed images of Nazdak nude and engaging in lewd sexual behavior. The pictures were fabricated using out of date photo editing software but were handily crafted. Nazdak sued for no monetary sum, only a formal apology and that the images be removed from the internet. Unfortunately, the website had a leak and miscoded java and the images were easily taken from the website without subscription or membership. Now it is estimated that 10,000 - 20,000 networks have the images in their databases. The images are very popular and will probably continue to be circulated. Everybody wants to see Naz’s Dak.

 

June 29th, 2003

 

Tabloids Again

 

An internet tabloid based in Brittan say that Nazdak has been using penis enhancing herbal supplements. They say that they have seen purchase records that lead back to Nazdak. Furthermore, the tabloid says that Nazdak has gained between 2-3 inches of length, and a 1 ˝ inches of girth. Nazdak refused to make a statement.

 

June 30th, 2003

 

Women

 

Nazdak has recently been seen at parties and premiers with two different women, Roberta Shawl, the dazzling Oscar nominated actress, and Elizabeth Pripp, comely industrialist heir. Is Nazdak dating both women at the same time? Does he go out with one on Friday and the other on Saturday, or do they do a week on and a week off. Or does he date them at the same time. Nazdak has been seen grinning as of late.

 

July 3rd, 2003

 

Doctors Visit

 

Nazdak has been seen at a web doctor’s office and seemed to be ill. His publicist says that he is fine; he just ate some bad cookies and will be back on his feet in no time. Due to medical record posting though, sources have discovered that his ex-girlfriend, Betty Anderson, has been diagnosed with the cyber-clapp.

 

July 7th 2003

 

Press Conference

 

Nazdak held a press conference today to dispel rumors that he has contracted cyber-clapp. He denies the allegations and says that his virtual penis is in excellent condition, furthermore, he made a statement defying the internet medical site that posted Ms. Anderson’s medical records, embarrassing her in the public eye. He really is quite a gentleman!

 

July 20th, 2003

 

Nazdak Declines Photo Spread

 

A well known tobacco company has been pressuring Nazdak to sponsor their products in a new campaign focused on getting children back into smoking. They feel that Nazdak’s thoughtful nature would have an incredible influence on the demographic and would most likely increase sales of tobacco to children by almost 15 percent. They offered Nazdak an extremely large amount of money. Nazdak deliberated for a very long time about the situation, on the one hand children shouldn’t smoke, but on the other hand, “that’s a whole lot of money” said Nazdak. He figured that maybe he could use that money to set up a foundation that focuses on helping children stop smoking. He did some NuMath and came up with a figure of his own. With the millions of dollars he would receive his new anti-children-smoking foundation could ultimately help 17 percent of smoking children quit every year. Nazdak, being a logical person, realized that the net impact on smoking children would be a decrease of almost 2 percent; he made up his mind then and there. He decided to go ahead and do the advertisement.

 

The next day, he was driving to the studio to take some test shots when he passed by a group of kids. He stopped for a second and said hello. They were all very excited. “Wow, Nazdak, is it really you?!” said the children. “Yes, it is,” said Nazdak. The kids were so excited to meet Nazdak that one of them even pulled out some cigarettes to celebrate. The kid was about to light up when Nazdak said, “Son, you have long life ahead of you, don’t blow it on cigarettes.” The kid nodded agreeing and threw the cigarettes down on the ground.

 

Nazdak knew what he had to do; he called the tobacco company and declined their offer.

 

July 29th, 2003

 

Nazdak Gives a Little Back

 

Nazdak recently took part in a cyber-sex awareness campaign in New York State. He was the quest of honor at a few lectures. Read an excerpt of his speech in HOT STUFF.

 

August 17th, 2003

 

Nazdak Looses 10 Pounds

 

Nazdak has reportedly lost 10 pounds in the last two weeks, he’s trying to lose weight for the prom, (no, that must be a typo; it is probably supposed to be the cyber-prom.)

 

August 30th, 2003

 

Nazdak Enters Everquest

 

On the 30th of August, 2003, Nazdak entered the virtual world of Everquest to continue his fight against the evil that lurks in the internet. You can find him there on a variety of servers near the city of Quenos.

 

 

October 1st, 2003

 

Dark Circle to go to Hungary

 

Dark Circle has left the virtual world to make a pilgrimage to his home land, the land of his people, Hungary. In a statement he released to press, Circle said, "Stop following me, anyway, I just felt like going home for a while. It's about time, I miss the air up there and the prostitutes that raised me. It's just time." Circle refused to comment on when he might return but made clear that if Nazdak needed him, he would fly back to the Cyber Mansion as soon as he could.

 

 

 

 

 

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